.cross.wired.mind.

Just a quick post. Over the last four weeks the following events have occured:

I left Vanguard. The prototypes of my first wave of toys are coming together (you can see them at Dreamland Toyworks). We had to put our dog Fargo to sleep (see the post below). Jennie and I went off to DragonCon and I came back with the Klingon Crud (a bad head cold). Finally I started my new job (well … I am still an IA) at Comcast.

As soon as the dust settles I promise more details on all of these events.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love animals. If I see a news story about animal abuse or a loved pet in trouble it takes a great effort to hold back the tears.

Now tragedy has struck on a personal level. Fargo is gone. He had terminal cancer. Jennie and I made the tough choice to end his suffering. Now we are the ones in pain.

I know animals are not people. I know this and still I mourn his loss as if he were my own flesh and blood. He was my friend and constant companion. He brought me nine plus years of joy. We played fetch. We tugged on ropes and blankets. We napped on the floor of my family room. We drove through Valley Forge and he would bark at the deer. We walked the shoreline on Peaks Island. We ran all over our backyard in a constant game of tag and chase. Every morning he would greet me with a hearty wag and smile that I would pay back with scruffles. He would curl up in my lap and doze. He would jump up on me as I lay on the floor - all 75lbs worth of yellow lab. He loved to go for rides to nowhere in particular. He loved to run with my other dog Griff and chase Sasha, Griff’s littermate who lives with my in-laws.

Dogs are not owned. They live with us - in our homes and in our hearts.

I have lost three dogs in my life. Chief was prone to seizures and never recovered from a grand mal that took his life. Nikki was with me for 14 years until she died of cancer. And now Fargo joins them.

Another hole in my heart. I have cried every day since Friday … and I will miss him.

Boing boing rocks.  Today it brought me this little gem on Japanese Engrish.

I laughed .. then felt bad that I had laughed at the expense of others … then I laughed even harder.

Oh, and just so I can say I warned you - the site is for mature audiences only.  It’s not a nughty site just not for the kiddie-winkies.  Think R or NC-17.

Did you know that division is sinful?  No I am not talking about the mathmatical operation (though long division is definitely evil).

As I have been reflecting on faith and politics it came to me that I should take a look at the source most often quoted by the current administration (and evangelical politicians of every stripe) when it comes to the moral justification for the actions they undertake on behalf of the United States’ body politic.

I decided to go to the Bible and see what I could find that has given the religious right the motivation to wage war, cut funding for the social services directed towards those at or near the poverty line, and to generally favor the wealthiest of citizens and corporate interests over the vast majority of us that are not a part of the upper class.

What I found was quite at odds with what I have witnessed over the years,

I started at the base - what about faith?  What is it?  How does it work?  This is what I found:

James 2:14-26

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Ok.  Got it - faith does not function if you do not act in accordance with faith.  Isn’t that what the politicians from the religious right do?  They believe they act out of faith.  But what should a person of faith actually do.  What virtues should a person of faith manifest?

Here is what I found:

Galatians 5:16-26

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

So we are not supposed to foster discord or promote factionalism.  Isn’t that the very heart of partisan politics?  Division is an aspect of a sinful nature.  There it is.  If faith is to be alive then the fruits of the spirit, according to the Bible, must be made the center of our works.

So how will God judge us when all is said and done?  Well, according to the Bible God has a pretty good test - and this is a test for which we already have the answers. 

Matthew 25:31-46

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

So why don’t we just do this?  Why is it so hard to do?  Why do we insist on acting like goats?

Now, I believe that heaven and hell are states of mind and not literal physical places so this takes on a very different meaning but still - the New Testament is filled with these gems.  If those that claimed to be devout and pious Christians just followed these three quotes could you imagine how different our political situation would be right now?

A couple of weeks ago I was in the back yard with my dogs.  It was moments after the sun had set and the light was beginning to become muted.  I had a flash back - a powerful resurgence of an image that was a constant in my life until October 2000.

The image bubbling up from the depths of emotional and sensory memory was that of my father sitting in my old back yard in the early evening in mid summer watching the trees sway in the wooded lot behind my childhood home.  His ever-present portable radio sitting next to him tuned to WPEN - Frank Sinatra’s vocal stylings softly permeating the air.

My father would sit in his lawn chair for hours, the very essence of contentment.

My father did not live a life that would be considered great if it were measured by the common standards of wealth or fame.  He did not live a life of purpose compared to those whose sacrifice transcends to that of living martyrdom.  But make no mistake, my father was a great man and he lived a life of purpose.

Before he passed we spent hours going through his bureau drawers and the collection of odds and ends that had long ago displaced the clothing which had originally been there.  He took great pride in showing me dozens of pins he had received from the years spent working as an electrical engineer at the Frankford Arsenal in Philadelphia.  Each pin represented a month of work with zero defects in his work.  He had at least six for each year and one or two for entire years without defects.  But the reason he took such great pride in his work was not the awards but the esteem of his colleagues.

In the early 1980’s I went to “family night” at the company he joined after the arsenal closed.  By the time we had toured the facility and arrived at his work bench it became clear that he was truly liked and admired by his co-workers and his manager.  He took great joy and pride from doing what he loved with excellence.  He was not always the easiest man to get along with but tales of his exploits were always told with a wink and a smile.  He looked out for his crew.  He stood up to management, and always spoke his mind.  My father never hid behind false civility or the conjured façade of workplace politics. He did his work with an eye towards true excellence and opposed any barrier that stood in the way of it.  He did this not for himself, but for everyone he worked with.

It cost him promotions.  It cost him raises.  But he never compromised his own integrity and the goal of excellence just to climb some corporate ladder.  He went to work as if each day was his last.  He lived his life content that he had kept true to himself.  When he came home from work, and later when he retired, he could look back and be satisfied.  His “superiors” may have wanted him to conform to their vision of a model employee in a harmonious workplace, but that was not who my father was.  He was his own man.  He knew what mattered in life.  He lived with purpose and reaped the rewards of satisfaction. 

He earned the right to doze in his lawn chair on a mid-summer’s evening, listen to radio, and watch the leaves rustle in the wind.

Jennie has cataloged all of the wonderful and wacky happenings of our trip but this is something I did that she has not mentioned. I brought a sketchbook and some pencils along with me and drew up some neato characters for my mystery project (more soon).

This is one of the doodles that I felt compelled to turn into sculpture. I call it my self portrait in sculpey.

He is a tad asymmetrical and just a bit whimsical. He’s the embodiment of how i have felt my whole life - just a bit off center and tad goofy.

Maybe some day I will use him as a design in my mystery project (don’t you want to know what it is .. oooo weee oooo!).

I’ll just leave it at that for now.  Me in sculpy …
 

During the past few months I have begun to truly embrace who I am. More on who that is in a moment - first how this all happened. No, it is not a mid-life crisis (I am 38). No, it was not a religious experience (that was in 1990 and has never faded). I have been in a phase of deep self-reflection since the time I was formally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.

I never truly realized how deeply this illness has effected my life. There is the obvious effects on my school experience and the like, but the effect on my ability to embrace my true self has been much more subtle. It has a lot to do with negative self-perception. A good example of the dynamic is my post below on comic books. I took my love of comics as intellectual laziness when in fact it was the best way for my brain to be active without being overloaded. Other examples of this dynamic include my approach to everything from music to fashion to gaming - heck just about everything.

You see, I thought I was flawed and that must mean that the things that I make a part of my life must also be flawed. I told myself that I should strive to be more “normal”. Here’s the thing. As hard as I tried to be normal I could not deny who I was. Oh, I tried. So I would swing in and out of interests and hobbies. I would try to be like normal people only to ditch the attempt later.

I was watching an awesome episode of Futurama “Mechanical House” where Fry rooms at Mars University with a hyper-intelligent monkey named Guenther. Towards the end of the episode Guenther is in the middle of an exam and he keep looking out into the wild foliage at the edge of the campus. In a banana induced moment of weakness he throws of his little hat (the source of his hyper-intelligence) and scampers of into the wild. In the end he figures out that all he wants to be is a monkey of average intelligence.

That’s all I want to be too. Well … errr … figuratively of course. My “hat” is the pressure to be “normal” that I place on myself as a result of a negative self-image.

No more. I do not want to fling off my hat and run into the wild. I just want to follow my passions. Be my true self.

I will be a Bahá’í and not worry that others do not get it.
I will read comics in public and not care what others think.
I will listen to the music I love regardless what others might think when they hear it.
I will embrace my eccentricity.

I will not ascribe negative attributes to those parts of me that fall outside the norm.
I will not be obnoxious about being me.
I will not make a scene.

I will be me … without apology.

The first time I used a DVR I had a feeling that I had just tapped into something big. It was a true paradigm shift unfolding right in front of me. I was no longer tied to program schedules. I know that statement was true when I had a VCR but this was radically different. I no longer had to deal with tapes cluttering the house. Or even worse, trying to remember which tape had which program. I no longer had to program show by show. I was free to record without strings attached (with the exception of drive space but a DVD burner solved that one).

Just recently I decided to try out another seemingly revolutionary technology - podcasting. My expectations were low. Most of the publicity podcasting had received centered around the notion that anyone could do it. That sounded to me like a euphemism for “most of the content sucks”. I had visions of teenagers ranting on and on about how they were dumped last night by their boy/girlfriend in front of Orange Julius at the mall last night.

Boy was I wrong.

I am sure there is crap out there but iTunes has shown me the light. I hopped on to the iTunes podcast directory and was greeted by a banner add highlighting three of my favorite letters in the world of broadcast journalism - BBC. Hmmmm. I should check that out for sure. I did. Now I am hooked. I felt that same shiver of excitement I had with the discovery of the DVR. I could now subscribe to programming that I wanted to hear and listen to it on my own time!

You see, I am an NPR junky. The problem with being a gainfully employed NPR junky is that I cannot listen to my favorite programming while I am at work. No longer. I now have access to podcasts from NPR, PRI, WGBH, WNYC, the BBC, the CBC, and more!

Beyond NPR and other great public broadcasters I can listen to great programming from independent sources like the Nation and Democracy Now. I can catch up on futbol with shows like World Soccer Daily and The Treble. I can also discover new music with programs like Music that Matters from KEXP and CBC’s Radio 3 podcast.

Here is a list of my current favorites:

• Radio 3 (CBC)
• Democracy Now
• Digital Planet (BBC)
• Music that Matters (KEXP)
• On the Media (NPR/WNYC)
• Open Source (WGBH)
• RadioNation (the Nation)
• The Changing World (BBC/PRI)
• 606 (BBC Sports)
• The Treble
• The World:Technology (BBC/PRI/WGBH)
• todbits (CBC)
• Here and Now (WGBH)
• World Soccer Daily

I encourage you to go out and find podcasts that meet your own interests. There are podcasts for nearly every subject from art to xbox and just about anything you can think of.

The paradigm is shifting and I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

With the passing of Rosa Parks we have lost a living connection to the birth of the modern civil rights movement. Her simple act of defiance was a spark that led to a firestorm of change. But did things change enough? One need look no further than the LA riots of 1992 and the recent results of hurricane Katrina to see the outward signs that racism is an unresolved issue.

Many people would like to think that racism has gone away. They pay lip service to diversity. They eat food from different cultures, enjoy a ride through “It’s a Small World“, and might even have some [insert racial minority] friends. They think that they are not racist because they do not hate anyone because of the color of their skin. Racism is not always about hate. Racism can also be about apathy and a lack of true appreciation of our common humanity.

Yes, the civil rights movement created great progress, but mostly in a legal sense and then only at the most basic level. We now have legal equality, but that has not resulted in the systemic change required to create true justice for the victims of racism. The clear lack of government action in response to hurricane Katrina is the clearest indication that institutionalized racism continues to plague human relations.

That is the key - its all about human relations. As individuals we lack a sense of justice, a willingness to demonstrate respect, and an ability to express brotherly love when it comes to those whose skin color, accent, or social class does not match our own. Racism is a disease of the spirit. It is an attitude that lives in our subconscious. It is fed by the media and spreads like a virus in our culture of fear.

When faced with the reality of racism and the continued pain it inflicts on my fellow human beings I cannot help but mourn for all of humanity. I feel compelled to act. I try to do what I can do. I participate in diversity activities at work. I serve on the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday committee for my community. None of that helps. The only thing that does help me is to act everyday to be mindful of race and the part it plays in our lives. I remember the words and deeds of the Central Figures of my faith, and I am encouraged to press on. I see the words and deeds of the people that stood up for civil rights and I see that determined acts, even very simple ones, can make a difference.

This is why Rosa Parks was so important. She was a person who simply stood her ground when the forces of hate and separation tried to force all people of color into a place of second class citizenry. She was an example of a human being who placed justice above all else. I am glad that she has become the first woman to ever lie in state in our nation’s capitol. Her life and her courage are an example for all of us. Let’s hope that this, her final act of defiance, can be another spark.